Food for thought.
Pros of dating me
- i’m rly soft and squishy
- i’ll make you hot beverages in bed
- i’m good at compliments
- you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names
Cons of dating me
- zero i am a goddess
Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate youDay 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbagMonth 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRRMonth 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? PleaseMonth 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.Year 1: One down. 17 to go…Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEARTYear 3: Oh thank god that’s overYear 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shitYear 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS
Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?
year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!
year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.
just had a dream where someone stole my socks and framed me for murder using the dna on them
i dreamt i stole someones socks omg
i’m calling the police
click the link above
i’m not about to download a mysterious zip file from dennys someone do it and tell me what’s up with this
should we be concerned everyone is getting a different amount of sausages?
Shout out to the people who have already asked the exact questions from my homework on yahoo answers
just use this excuse any time you don’t want to go to school
Do you ever wonder how Hogwarts would travel to another school for the Triwizard Tournament cause I think about it all the time
trust me i have 6 girlfriend